Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal by Philip Van Munching

Author:Philip Van Munching
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

And “for the rest of your life” is a pretty long time, especially considering how much thought often goes into getting a tattoo. That is to say, not nearly enough. My friend Jim went to medical school with a guy who came back to the dorm one night with a brand new tattoo of a butterfly on his shoulder. When asked about it, he’d shake his head and say, “Never get drunk in Newport.” (I would be willing to bet that if getting tattooed required passing a Breathalyzer test for alcohol, half the tattoo parlors in the world would go out of business.) Every time Jim’s friend takes his shirt off, he’s reminded of how dopey it can be to give in to impulse.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for impulsive behavior when it’s over something small: reaching for someone’s hand, ordering the double chocolate cake, buying a CD when you’ve only ever heard one song from it. It’s a safe bet that you won’t really regret those actions. Big things, though, life or body-altering things, should never be done on a whim. Or after cocktails. Big decisions deserve some thought.

And the bigger the decision, the more time you ought to think about it. In fact, I have a little trick that’s always gotten me through the more important choices in my life, and it has to do with a “cooling off” period. Here’s how it works:

When I’m faced with a big decision, the first thing I do is give myself a set period of time during which I won’t decide anything. Could be hours, could be a few weeks. Depends on how important the decision is, you know? If I want to buy an expensive jacket, I make myself sleep on it. That keeps me from blowing the money and waking up mad at myself. If I walk out of the store, go home, and wake up still wanting the jacket, then I’m comfortable blowing the money.

Last time I looked for a car, I made myself wait one full week so that I’d have to shop around, and not let a car salesman catch me drooling over something impractical and talk me into it on the spot. When things got bad at a job I used to have, I gave the situation one month to improve. It didn’t, and I was able to quit with a clear head … and a well-thought-out plan for what I was going to do next. What I’ve found is that forcing myself to wait before making big decisions not only takes away the panic before I make them, it helps me feel more comfortable with them afterward.

Obviously, I hope you never decide to get tattooed. (I’d rather you stay away from body piercing, too, for the record. Tongue studs are just … gross.) If you do find yourself drawn to some kind of permanent marking, though, I’d suggest you force yourself to wait before making that choice. By my calculations, to properly evaluate the decision to get a tattoo would take … oh … twenty-five years or so.

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